Lot Masiane

Lot Masiane is a member of the SDA Church. An accountant by profession, he is also a self-confessed bookworm and his interests include football. He supports Chelsea Football Club.

Saving the boys

I WATCHED with horror as a couple, a man and his wife, came up on ITV Day Break on January 30, 2012, saying they are bringing up their son gender neutrally as they did not want him ‘stereotyped by gender’.

They groomed his hair as neither boy nor girl, they had him put on a top with pink and purple stripes and made him play with all sorts of toys including dolls. I couldn’t help noticing that the father was dressed as a man and the mother as a lady, not gender neutrally. They were obviously selling what they were not buying and carrying out this ‘experiment’ with their son for their self-indulgence definitely not to benefit him.

The Metro newspaper of February 21, 2012, carried a story about a five-year-old boy who has been diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder (GID). Since the age of three, he has insisted he is a girl and the parents have honoured their child. (The Bible teaches children to honour their parents, not parents to honour their children).

In the same article, a social commentator Anne Atkins said: “Between the ages of about five and eight, I wanted to be a boy more than anything else in the world. Acute though my longing was, it was relatively short-lived. I am more grateful than I can say that there was no one around at the time to diagnose me with GID.”

Today, more than ever before, sexual identity is a big deal. It is the in-thing these days to stress the equality of men and women by minimising the unique significance of maleness and femaleness in the home. This is taking a tremendous toll on generations of young men and women who do not know what it means to be a man or woman.

Confusion over sexual identity is epidemic. The result is more divorce, more homosexuality, more sexual abuse, more promiscuity, more social awkwardness, more emotional distress and more suicide that comes with the loss of God-given identity.

In scripture, God gave us a blue print for how the family is to function. The father is the head of the family. Together with his wife, he raises their children in a home where Jesus is the focus. The Bible is the most important book in the home. It is the responsibility of the parents and ultimately that of the father, to make sure children grow up in an environment that will enable them to one day become competent, responsible parents in their own right. This ensures the continuity of the biblical family for the next generation.

It is no rocket science that the devil is out to destroy all that. The family structure has been destroyed and, as if that is not enough confusion already, the Coalition Government in the UK is attempting to redefine marriage to include same sex relationships.

In his book, Growing Up Straight, (endorsed by the American National Institute of Health), Peter Wyden writes: “Research findings overwhelmingly indicate that homosexuals are not born but bred… there is increasing agreement that homosexuals rarely (if ever) occur without some important (or controlling) contribution from the parent.

“Many parents underestimate their own importance as models for the behaviour of their children especially while the children are still young… they should appreciate that a mother’s acceptance of her role as a truly feminine woman will communicate itself to a daughter at a remarkably early age; and a mother’s respect for the father’s role as head of the family will help a small boy grow up to be masculine.

“On the other hand, if parents themselves are unsure about what constitutes appropriate male and female behaviour today; their children are bound to become confused about their own place in the scheme of things.”

I dread to imagine how the “man” of the future would be like. Will he be this gender neutral, namby-pamby, spineless guy with no clue of his God-given role in the home or he will turn the corner and be a strong man rallying his family to the protection of the Cross against the devil?

We have to save our boys by giving them a role model to follow. When our boys have a clear model, they will know how to function when they assume the responsibility of marriage and parenting. But in this generation, there are many crippled boys who have no idea what it is to be a man. The devil has removed the males from their God-given positions of leadership and responsibility across the racial spectrum.

There is a shocking pattern that develops when I talk to boys who are in same sex relationships, their father was either not there at all or abusive. The absence of a father is a life-threatening condition for a boy. Fatherlessness is linked to depression, delinquency, violence, crime, gang membership, academic failure and difficulty with emotional commitments.

As the number of fatherless families grows, the problems grow among boys across the world. And there’s no doubt that our boys are in trouble. Too many are underachieving in school, adrift and disconnected from their communities, overweight and overmedicated. What our boys need isn’t simply more education, more medications, more money or more activities but fathers who will embrace their sons and watch them with the eyes of schooled hawks. Proper role-modelling is required.

Recently we shared a story of Rick Husband’s faithfulness. When he died his seven-year-old son Matthew asked his mother: “Am I the new spiritual leader of the home? Am I the man of the family now?” Rick had modelled the role of a father to his family and the boy was not confused even at seven what his role in the home would be.

At age 14, this is what Matthew Husband wrote: “In a traditional family, the father brings justice and the mother brings mercy and comfort. When an untraditional family just has one or the other parent in the home, there is a void.

“In a family with just a father, the son could become a man that doesn’t care about anyone else’s feelings. On the other hand, in a family with just a mother, the son could be loving, but most likely would be lazy and disrespectful because of the lack of fatherly enforcement. In the untraditional family, it is unbalanced because there are qualities missing that a traditional family has.

“The traditional family is the best setting for children because it was designed by God. Based on personal experience, it is better to be raised by both parents.

One teenage male who had fathered six children was asked about his responsibilities to the various mothers. His careless reply was: “Ain’t no woman gonna mess up my life.” As a result of this selfish mentality, we have an epidemic on our hands. Boys grow up without male role models and so have no-one to emulate when they become adults. Hence we have a situation where millions of children do not know and will never know what it means to be a father. More poignantly, they do not know anyone who has a father or who is a father.

The world is at a crossroads in its history. It is my opinion that our very survival as a people will depend upon the presence or absence of masculine leadership in millions of homes. I believe with every ounce of my being, that husbands hold the keys to the preservation of the family and survival of the boys. Of course you realise that when boys become boys, girls will become girls.

How can you destroy your boys?

# By over-protection: this is the most effective way to feminise a boy. I read somewhere that by the seventh or eighth week in the womb, there is an explosion of the potent hormone called testosterone. If that neurophysiological explosion does not take place, the child will be a girl. Testosterone makes the boy aggressive. It’s part of being male. They jump off the top of slides instead of sliding down them. They climb the rafters in the garage, hang on ropes and swing like Tarzan. That’s part of being a little boy.

# By favouritism: Remember the Genesis account of what happened between Jacob and Esau that led to Jacob stealing Isaac’s blessing and what happen between Joseph and his brothers when they sold him to slavery.

# By discouragement: please never say words like “You’ll never amount to anything!” or “will you ever do anything right?” It just kills the boy.

# By forgetting that the child is growing up, has a right to have ideas of his own, and needs not be an exact copy of his father. Let the kids be themselves rather than be your clones.

# By neglect: Parents must spend time with their children instead of buying them plenty toys and gadgets.

# By bitter words and outright physical cruelty: Such children grow up confused and worried and desperately need to share their hurts with someone. Yet they are too afraid and ashamed to talk about it. In time the wounds of violence heal, but the scars remain forever.

You who are parents know that there are no guarantees. You could do everything right and your child could still rebel and pursue a life of drugs, promiscuity and irresponsibility. But by constantly and prayerfully building moral strength into your child’s life, you greatly reduce the risk of that happening in the teenage years. A boy is the only thing that God can use to make a man and right now he is an endangered species.